Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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