I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Randomize
