can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize
