He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
