Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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