its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
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