a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
This is seriously fucking awkward. My favorite sex scene just started and my dad's still here. He offered me Cheetos.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
Randomize
