I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
