i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Randomize
