my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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