Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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