I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
