You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
