woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
