i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize
