I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
