Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
You have no idea how much I'm praying for my moms side of the family's infertility right now
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
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