Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
