well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
