When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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