that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Just say the word and u can be elbow deep in this glorious rack
This is why I love you...
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
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