my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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