I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
