And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I'm Still in a robe trying to piece together 3-7am I'll be there in a few
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Randomize
