Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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