Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
