So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
