If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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