From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
