omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
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