I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
