Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
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