Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
This baby is an asshole
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
wait you like me?? for my personality??
I know I was surprised too
Randomize
