I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
another moral hangover. fuck.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
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