I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
Dude manswers just said that a guy can only cum up to eight times in one day. I'm gonna prove that show wrong.
ha well at least you have goals.
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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