She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
