i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I have peed in a lot of sinks
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
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