I wannas sexs uuuuu
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Randomize
