Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
She is in my trunk
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
