When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
