I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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