i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
