I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You're the only person with a favorite bar in Disneyworld
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Randomize
