I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
what do you have against ST
DO NOT ABBREVIATE LIKE YOU AND STAR TREK ARE FRIENDS.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
