I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
