Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Randomize
