Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
Randomize
