it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
Randomize
