either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
