eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
It's never too late to be topless.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
