Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
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