Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She even gives head with a lisp.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
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