my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Clearly the ONLY reason why you were voted employee of the month is because of your upside-down beer funneling skills.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
