what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I found them in the kitchen microwaving bottle rockets chanting U.S.A U.S.A U.S.A
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Oh dude, thanks for giving me that liquor last night, except replace 'giving' with 'violently forcing'.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
Randomize
