please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
