my soul wont recognize me after tonight
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
