Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
