WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
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