i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
