Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
