i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
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