I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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