Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
This tiny cat is tiny breathing with her tiny lungs and im having a tiny freak out. Like those lungs have to be super tiny.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
Randomize
